Twas the Round before Christmas

‘Twas the round before Christmas and all through Assault
No one was stirring and it was all my fault
I was crouched inside with my AWP
Ready to shoot at all I did see

My terrorist friends were up by the vent
Trying to follow the orders I sent
The CTs were outside, biding their time
I reloaded my gun and all seemed quite fine

When all of a sudden right up in the sky
I spied a red figure, and it seemed to fly
“A skin cheat!!” I cried and checked his ID
(I had already set air_accelerate 3)

A quick press of tab made me get up and bolt
Saint Nick had arrived and was armed with a Colt
Somebody said “FFS this sux0rs”
“I’m not gonna play with you cheating ****ers”

Go go go go, I cried, You take the point!!
I’m not letting Santa get into this joint.
But he swooped down outside and landed with ease
Within four or five seconds he raped the CTs.

A guy from my team ran out the back door
But one headshot later he was slumped on the floor.
Somebody else joined me on the ramp
The only way to win at this point was camp.

The blur right in front of me couldn’t be faster
This Santa fag was a bunnyhopping bastard
The friend to my left crouched down on his knee
Only to get a face full of H.E..

I ran for the vent and avoided a spray
(although normally I would consider this ghey)
Crawling inside I could hear a moaning
The last T alive, and this Santa was 0wning

I then heard a clang, a grenade thrown at me!!
After the blast I was on 1HP.
I got onto the roof and saw elves, and it seemed
A fairly good time to shout “FFS teams!!”

I pulled out my deagle and killed two or three
But good old Saint Nicholas was gaining on me
Another few shots and the last elf was dead
But Santa was there with his Colt to my head

My last clip was spent, and I had spied a MAC
But then Father Christmas pulled out his black sack
A parcel he took and threw over to me
I switched to my knife and I hacked it with glee

A shiny new Para I found wrapped inside
I let out a laugh and my eyes opened wide
“Thanks Santa!!” I said, as he started to sing:
“Merry Christmas to you, and to all a good ping!!”

- Son of Blam